How are we doing?

If you haven't read my post on the public blog yet about how we're doing, you can read it HERE.

Since I can be more specific on here, I will just elaborate on that post...

So the love I have for the boys is so different. I am going to give you the complete truth here. I love Wesley, I would do anything to protect him, but I do not love him the same as Tate or even the same as Cason. I know it will grow into that...I am at no point of regretting our decision to adopt him or anything like that, I just wish I fully loved him. I think it would make dealing with his behaviors more easy for me.

I find myself still feeling guilty about doing this to Tate. HIs adjustment as been huge. He just asked my yesterday when we were going to bring Wesley back to his "real home". I explained that he is his brother and will be with us forever, our home is his "real home". He just said, "oh ya...okay." Guilt.

I also feel guilty because I feel like I am constantly telling Wesley, "no" or "we don't do that, Wesley." I just don't want him to view me as the person that is always disciplining him or telling him "no". There are amazing moments and every single day I feel more love for him than the day before. I at moments though feel like I am "faking it until I make it". Wow, that kind of sounds terrible. Although, I have had flashes of deep love for him already...you know, those moments where I have felt like, "wait, I really do think I love him like he has always been my son".

I will say, his change since coming to our home is huge. He has calmed down, begun to obey more readily, gives me regular snuggles and hugs, has learned our routine and how we do things. He has been testing us to see what he can get away with and he have been extremely consistent in our bottom line. We think this has helped him greatly. We definitely weren't as consistent with Tate when he was 3!

And in Wesley's accomplishments...
He pooped on the potty 2 days ago!!!!
He hasn't spit any food out since 2 days after we got him!!! This is huge as we used to spit food out nearly every meal. We are hoping this improvement will lead to stopping his night time tube feedings within the next couple of months! This would be such a relief for us to not have to deal with those!

Right now, Cason is napping and Tate and Wesley are sitting at the table here with me eating pancakes and watching cartoons. As I look at them, I am overwhelmed with love. It's one of those wonderful moments that comes in my days of what seems like complete chaos.